


Fall, Drown, Reborn

by melanie_bxx



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Anal Sex, Angst and Feels, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Angst with a Happy Ending, Bottom Regulus Black, Coming Untouched, Denial of Feelings, Everyone Is Alive, Explicit Sexual Content, Hogwarts Era, M/M, Marauders Era (Harry Potter), Memory Loss, Multiple Orgasms, Multiple Sex Positions, Not Really Character Death, Oops, Orgasm Delay/Denial, Pining, Praise Kink, Pre-First War with Voldemort, Regulus Black Deserves Better, Regulus Black Lives, Shameless Smut, Temporarily Unrequited Love, Time Skips, Top James Potter, Warm and Fuzzy Feelings, i think, im breaking all canon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-21
Updated: 2021-02-21
Packaged: 2021-03-18 14:47:19
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,505
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29611017
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/melanie_bxx/pseuds/melanie_bxx
Summary: As he was drowned by Voldemort’s Inferi, as his vision started to get blurry, Regulus’s life flashed before him. There was Sirius, who he respected the most, who has always tried to protect him, who was his closest. Then his childhood came flooding back, all the times he was happy, when he was loved. And then, it was just James, James Potter, who he regretted most. He regretted falling for that messy hair, the crooked glasses, the bright smile.“Will you be proud of me? Will you ruffle my hair like you always do and smile at me?” His own thoughts and James’s face were the two last things engraved in his mind as he sunk into the deep black water.
Relationships: Draco Malfoy/Harry Potter, Past James Potter/Lily Evans Potter - Relationship, Regulus Black/James Potter, Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Comments: 13
Kudos: 250





	Fall, Drown, Reborn

**Author's Note:**

> Hi everyone, it’s been a long time since I’ve posted, and though it’s not a drarry fic, I still hope you guys like it. I didn’t know why I got so obsessed over Jegulus lately, one thing led to another, I was writing down what seemed like a good plot for a fic, and a friend of mine had said “that sounds like a good fic” and I was like alright why not write it? Lmao and I did, it was probably a week or more, I didn’t intend to make it so long, or make it smutty, but I did anyway. I feel like this couple has good dynamic together, and I hope I expressed it well. There wasn’t a lot of details about Regulus but that’s what I think of him. This fic is dedicated to James and Regulus, the underrated ship that deserves better, I hope I can write more for them in the future. And I hope I can finish more fics for you guys from now.  
> As usual, unbeta  
> Hope you guys like it!

**_September 1 st, 1976_ **

****

_Stop._ He gripped tightly, a little too tightly on his knife and fork when his mind started to wander to something, or rather, someone.

It was always the same before, waking up, eating, studying, sleeping, it was a stupid circle. Everyday to Regulus was the same as any, but somehow, today was different. His hands were somehow itchy, Regulus stared at the red marks on his skin after he tried scratching it. He was feeling anxious, he wasn’t sure why. Everything was just normal like always, him sitting alone, even when there were people around him, trying to be friends with him, he didn’t care about any of those fame whores.

“Regulus, do you want to—…”

“ _Shut up”_ He cut the words of a Slytherin sitting next to him. He didn’t want to be bothered by anyone right now. Regulus looked up when he heard a loud laugh from the other side of the Great Hall. _Of course,_ his dear brother, laughing freely without a care in the world at the Gryffindor table, along with his three other friends. Lupin was quiet, rubbing his temples while Sirius kept on laughing, Pettigrew giggling along, and then there was Potter. Potter was his brother’s closest mate, or so he has always said, the Gryffindor with hair that looked like a huge mess and glasses so crooked, it could be broken any second, and a goofy look on his face whenever he smiled.

_Right,_ he remembered why he was so anxious today, it was last night in his sleep when he had woke himself up with one thought on his mind. _James Potter._ He realised he has feelings for _James Fleamont Potter_ , out of everyone in the world, he fell for _that guy_ , who was stuffing croutons in Sirius’s mouth. But it didn’t matter, he has to keep on living.

When did it start? No, he didn’t think there was a point that he _started_ having feelings for Potter. It was more like…somehow Potter had wiggled his way in Regulus’s heart without him knowing.

He has always been jealous of Sirius, of how he was able to be so brave, to be so different. Regulus, he was just…a coward, he didn’t have the guts to disobey his parents. When Sirius ran away from home last year, it really wrecked their relationship. They couldn’t even have a decent conversation together without Sirius telling him he should have ran away with him. He was jealous of how Sirius was so different than him, how he has real friends around him, while all Regulus has were incredibly dull Pureblood who just wanted wealth and popularity, who he didn’t even consider as friends. Why would he need friends anyway?

For years, James Potter has always been just Sirius’s friend in Regulus’s eyes. He was just someone who’d visit their house a few times when Sirius brought his friends back just for a few minutes, he was someone that would always stand next to Sirius when he talked to Regulus. He didn’t bat an eye for Pettigrew or Lupin, they didn’t mean anything to him, however Potter was… _different_. He would smile at Regulus when he looked at him, he would wave at Regulus even when he wasn’t with Sirius. And one time, he had even ruffled Regulus’s hair when he picked the Quaffle up from the ground. He was just walking by the field that time and suddenly Potter came up to him with a bright smile on his face, sweats dripping down his skin, his glasses slipping down his nose. He had ruffled Regulus’s hair, saying thank you. It was the first time anyone had ever done anything like that to him. Regulus was simply stunned.

Then it was the little things, the sentences between them, the conversation they had to make when they were both waiting for Sirius to arrive. He didn’t intend to reply at first, but Potter would always open his mouth and ask him all the questions he could think of. He would always keep a distance from Potter, but slowly the space was narrowed, the next thing he knew, they were standing so close that their shoulders or shoes would touch, Potter definitely didn’t know what personal space was. He had known Potter for four years, but his feelings only started to grow possibly last year, when Sirius decided to run away.

_“Do you want to go with us?”_ He had remembered what James whispered to him when they were standing in the hall of Grimmauld Place, while Sirius had a ‘ _talk’_ with their parents. Potter had stood next to him, leaning on the wall when he asked Regulus to run away with them.

_“Why would I?”_ It was his answer to Potter’s question, he wasn’t sure why, he should have said yes, he should have agreed. Ever since that day, he had never seen both Potter and his brother again, _until today._ First day of his Fifth Year, Sirius was back, it has been months since he saw his own brother, and James Potter. No wonder he had that dream last night, he knew he’d see him today. Regulus put down his knife and fork, he barely ate anything, but he was in no mood to eat. As students began leaving the Great Hall, he stood up to leave as well, for his first class.

“ _Regulus!”_ He heard his brother calling him and kept on walking, getting through the crowd of people until someone got hold of his shoulder and stopped him “ _Regulus!”_ He looked up at his brother, breathing heavily with Potter standing next to him, while Lupin and Pettigrew were still catching up behind them “Didn’t you hear me?”

“I have a class to attend” He said, pushing Sirius’s hand off of his shoulder but his brother won’t let go “Brother, I insist that you let go”

“Can you hear him out for a minute?” Potter asked him, he glanced at the guy he has been trying to avoid and let out a quiet sigh

_“One minute_ ” He didn’t know why he was this soft, he has nothing to say to Sirius

“I didn’t mean to leave you” Sirius placed both of his hands on his shoulders now and kept going “I wanted to ask you to run away with me, but I…I don’t know why I didn’t. I regretted it a lot…I’m sorry”

“Does it really matter anymore?”

“It does. If you still want to come—…”

“I don’t” He said, keeping his eyes on his brother instead of the figure next to him

“Regulus, I’m sorry, I should have brought you with me. Can we…go back to normal? Like before?” Sirius’s voice started to sound like a plead, he barely got the chance to open his mouth when Sirius continued “I will keep bothering you if you say no” He knew how to get under Regulus’s skin, they were brothers after all.

“ _Fine”_ He finally breathed out the word as Sirius pulled him into a tight hug “Get off of me”

“Never”

“ _Group hug!”_ Potter said loudly and then the next thing he knew, Regulus was being hugged by Potter as well, the Slytherin felt heat rising on his cheeks and immediately pushed them both away

“I have a class” He said, looking down and turning on his heels to walk away. What the hell did Potter just do? Hug someone he barely knew?

*

There was no need for him to do this, he thought to himself while standing outside of the Gryffindor Common Room. Regulus spun around and walked away.

“ _Hey! What are you doing here?”_ Regulus stopped in his tracks and sighed. _So close._

“Nothing”

“What’s in your hand?” Potter kept asking, making Regulus turn around to look at him, gripping on the bag in his hand tightly “Is it for Sirius?”

“Is he in there?”

“Yeah, he’s in his dorm” Potter said, standing in front of the opened Gryffindor Common Room while a few Gryffindor students walked around inside “Do you want to come in?”

“Can you just give this to Sirius?”

“No, come on, he’s just right here” Potter stepped up and grabbed Regulus’s wrist, dragging him inside before the eyes of other Gryffindors “He’s studying with Moony for an upcoming exam, and he isn’t allowed to be distracted. But you can still come in” He said, walking in front of Regulus as he followed him into the dorm. As Potter opened the door, he saw four beds in the room, one was extremely tidy, one was neat and didn’t have much stuff, and the two left were far too messy to even describe. His brother was on one of the messy bed with a book on his lap, with Lupin next to him.

“Do you understand what I just said?”

“Not really— _Hey!”_ Sirius looked up and smiled when he saw Regulus, Potter let him in and Regulus didn’t know whether to step in or not “What are you doing here?”

“Uncle Alphard sent me this to give you” He stepped forward and put the bag on Sirius’s bed “It’s sweets”

“ _Really?”_ Sirius grabbed the bag and opened it, looking inside it and gasped loudly “How come he sent me this?”

“Don’t ask me” He didn’t know why himself, uncle Alphard has always been nice to everyone, especially Sirius. He walked away but Potter caught him by his wrist, sending shivers up his spine

“Hey, er, good luck at the match tomorrow” Potter said, and Regulus flinched, retreating his hand from the Gryffindor’s grip. Right, Ravenclaw and Slytherin would have a match tomorrow. Regulus looked up at Potter, who was expecting him to say something, but instead, he left. He had to get out of there, Regulus quickly got out of the Gryffindor tower and back to his dorm. Why did he even bother to be nice and give the sweets to Sirius? He has no reason to do it.

*

“Would you stop that?” Regulus swatted Potter’s hand away from his hair and stepped back. Why did he have to keep ruffling his hair every time Regulus did something nice. He wasn’t a bloody dog “It’s not a big deal”

“It is, you helped me with the exam with that tips of yours” Potter said, putting his hand on Regulus’s shoulder, which the Slytherin had to push away immediately. It has been three, four months since Fifth Year started and his relationship with Sirius has improved, better than before anyway. However, it was bad for him because every time he talked to Sirius, Potter would also be there, with his smile and his handsy fingers that would always find its way to Regulus’s hair. He has mixed feelings about it, but he didn’t let himself dream, he couldn’t. No matter how hard he tried, his feelings won’t stop growing “Padfoot and I are hosting a party at the Gryffindor Common Room this Sunday, well, it’s for Gryffindors, but you’re welcome to join”

“No thanks, I’m busy” He spun on his heels to turn away but Potter blocked him again

“We are practicing Quidditch this weekend—…”

“I’m busy too” He stepped to the right but once again, Potter was in front of him “Potter…”

“We’re going to Hogsmeade this—…”

“I can’t go. Will you drop this?” He walked past him without looking and thanked Salazar that Potter didn’t run after him. He didn’t understand why Potter didn’t see that he was trying to avoid him.

*

**_March, 1977_ **

****

****

“ _Happy birthday!”_ Potter appeared out of nowhere in the hall and surprised Regulus with a beam again. He had just finished doing his homework in the library, he didn’t even remember it was his birthday

“It’s not my birthday” He lied, how did he know it was his birthday anyway?

“Padfoot said—where’s he?” Potter looked around, searching for Sirius apparently “He was just here with Moony, we were going to surprise you. It’s weird, recently all they do are sneaking off to some places just the two of them and didn’t even include me or Wormtail”

“Are we done?” He said, hugging his books to his chest and walking away, but he knew he wasn’t free when he heard footsteps behind him

“What do you want?”

“What do you mean?”

“Like for your birthday” Potter ran after him and walked alongside him, it was dark outside, and they were the only two people walking in the hall “Do you have anything you want?”

“I don’t celebrate birthdays” He said, he didn’t care much about it, it was still a normal day for him. A Gryffindor walked past them and gave them a weird look, Regulus sighed and walked faster. Standing next to Potter was bringing him unwanted attention, he didn’t need it.

“ _Oh,_ but still, do you want anything in particular?”

_I want you to stop bothering me._ He wished he could say it. Regulus stayed silent to think, turned out he didn’t want anything at all.

“Come on, tell me” Potter draped his arm over Regulus’s shoulder and the Slytherin jolted “I can give it to you. What is it? A certain book? Or a broom? A quill?”

“Stop doing that” He pushed Potter’s arm away and sped up, trying his best to get into the Slytherin Dungeon “I don’t want anything”

“Well, er, if you think of anything, you can tell me, I’ll give it to you” Potter stopped and Regulus looked at him, he still has that smile on his face, which was annoying. His eyes lingered on Potter just a bit. His mouth slightly opened, he wanted to say something to the Gryffindor, but he didn’t, Regulus got in the dungeon without a word. There couldn’t be anything more happening between them.

*

**_October, 1977_ **

“Hey, Reggie, you’re here” Regulus looked up from his book and stopped writing when his name was called out, only Sirius called him that, but now…

“Why did you call me that?” He asked Potter, who was standing in front of him, looking slightly down

“Sirius calls you that, so I thought I could try” Potter said, beaming at him, he wish he had stronger will to deny his feelings every time Potter gave him a smile “Have you seen your brother? He was just here, with Moony”

“No” He said, noticing how Potter’s face fell when he said it. Was he sad over something? Regulus shouldn’t care anyway.

“They must have gone and probably doing something private together again” Potter groaned and let out a deep sigh. The atmosphere between them got lower the moment he heard the sigh. Potter was definitely sulking over something, Regulus stopped looking and got back to doing his homework, Potter turned around to walk away and the Slytherin was finally able to breath calmly again

“Hey, Reg, do you…er” Potter came back after a few seconds and stood in front of him again “Do you want to go on a walk with me? If you want, you don’t have to” Regulus stared at Potter, who was looking desperate like a small sad looking crup. He was torn between minding his own business and be nice. Regulus exhaled and put down his quill. It couldn’t hurt to be nice for a second.

How long has it been? Their relationship was still the same, Potter refusing to understand what personal space was and he kept getting into Regulus’s deep, dead heart. He was finally able to be free from him during the summer, but what bothered him the most was that, he realised he kinda missed being annoyed by Potter. Now that he came back for Sixth Year, Regulus kept seeing him every day now.

“What’s that star?” Potter pointed up at the sky and asked Regulus. Somehow they have ended up lying on the grass of the Quidditch field, looking at the sky above them. Potter didn’t say anything the whole way here, so Regulus didn’t want to start until he has to.

“It’s a constellation” He corrected the other person, the sky was full of stars, he didn’t know what Potter was pointing at “It’s the Lyra constellation”

“What about that?”

“Andromeda”

“Like your cousin?” Potter asked and he nodded without a word. Next to it was the Perseus constellation, he had read the story about their love, it was quite intriguing “I think Remus told us about that star once. Wasn’t it a love story or something?”

“It’s a constellation”

“You like being right, don’t you?” Potter turned to him and asked, he knew the Gryffindor was smiling again, so he didn’t move at all, gawking at the sky instead. They stayed like that for a few minutes before Potter spoke up again

“Have you ever been heartbroken because you see the person you love with someone else?” He asked in a low voice. So he _has_ someone he loved. Regulus intertwined his own hands on his stomach and crossed his legs, he didn’t know what to say. He has never experienced anything like that before. Love was a line he would never be able to cross.

“No” He answered truthfully, and then there was silence again. It was getting too awkward for him, he wasn’t sure what to do. Potter was obviously upset about someone and he needed to vent, that was probably why he wanted to find Sirius, but Regulus was here now. The Slytherin fiddled with his own fingers before saying out loud “It will be alright”

“What?” Regulus could see Potter looking at him from the corner of his eyes as he stayed still

“I don’t know much about it, but I think it will be alright” He breathed deeply, moving his arm and touched his elbow with Potter’s. He didn’t know why he did it, but maybe it’d help the Gryffindor with his feelings “I don’t know how to comfort you”

“It’s okay” Potter laughed, nudging his elbow back as they looked at the sky “Do you believe in soulmate?”

“No” He said, he didn’t think it was real, he wasn’t raised that way. His parents got married for wealth and status, not love.

“Really?”

“I don’t think soulmate is a real thing, so is love”

“You really think so?”

“I don’t believe I could find a soulmate” Regulus said as Potter kept staring at him, he wasn’t lying about this topic, love was simply unreal to him “I don’t believe in love, in fact, I don’t think I deserve love”

“Don’t say that” Potter said, moving closer and mumbled to him “Everyone deserves love”

“Not me” He said, finally turning to look at the person next to him, his hazel eyes twinkling under the night sky. Somehow, Potter was leaning closer to him, his hand coming up like he was about to touch Regulus’s face, and his face was so close “What are you doing?” He grabbed Potter’s wrist and startled him

“Oh, you got grass on your cheek” The Gryffindor said, still reaching forward but Regulus pushed him away

“I can brush it off myself” He wiped the grass off his face and sat up, looking at the light from a few dorms in Hogwarts disappeared “I think we should go back”

“ _Oh, right_ ”

“Good night” Potter said, he has walked with Regulus down to the dungeon even though he didn’t have to. He still has a sad look on his face, but Regulus didn’t know what he could do more to help. Turned out, Potter being sad was kind of depressing for him to look at.

“ _Hey_ ” He pulled Potter back by his robes and inhaled deeply, stepping forward and embracing Potter in a hug. The Gryffindor must have been shocked, based on the way he jolted at first. One thing he was sure that Potter always love hugging people, so he figured it might help.

“Are you hug—…”

“Shut up, Potter” He shushed Potter and locked his arms tight around his waist. Regulus has always been small and lanky, so he was definitely shorter than Potter, having only reached past his shoulder just a little. Slowly, Potter’s arms were around him too, hugging him tightly, he leaned his chin on Regulus’s head and breathed out.

“Do you think you should call me James by now?” Potter suddenly asked after a while. How long have they been standing like that? Regulus cleared his throat and pushed the Gryffindor away, stepping back a few steps “Er, so that was nice, and you said you didn’t know how to comfort me” Potter chuckled, ruffling Regulus’s hair once again until he swatted his hand away

“Goodnight…” At that moment, as he gazed at the pair of hazel eyes behind the glasses in front of him, the same smile, he knew that it was James, not Potter anymore “… _James”_ He said, ignoring the extremely goofy and surprised beam James got on his face and got in the dungeon quickly, as his heart continued to race. He was in for a slow, painful death, but he knew what was coming when he decided to hug James, he just wanted to…try.

*

**_March, 1977_ **

****

****

****

****

It was his sixteenth birthday, but nothing happened, as usual. There was something different around him, he had a bad feeling about today, he wasn’t sure why, but until now, as he had finished his last class and about to have his dinner, it was all normal to him. He was going to take the Dark Mark soon, as his parents have told him, when he turned sixteen, he could get the mark whenever he wanted.

“ _Reggie!” So close._ Regulus sighed, walking slower so his brother could catch up from behind “I know you don’t celebrate birthdays, so I won’t say anything”

“Good” He said, ignoring the arm that Sirius has on his shoulder, he has gotten used to Sirius’s affection now

“ _Hey wait up!”_ The familiar voice made him stopped again, Sirius turned around, pulling Regulus with him as James ran to them. Surprisingly, as he noticed, there was someone else running along with him this time “ _Hey, Reg”_

“I see you lovebird got caught in _something”_ Sirius laughed at James, who was standing next to a girl with long red hair. She looked familiar, she was one of the Gryffindor Prefects, he thought. _Lovebird?_ Regulus looked down and saw their intertwined hands. _Ah, right. She was the one James was talking about._ It was at this moment that Regulus thought there was a tinge of pain in his chest. So this was how it felt to be heartbroken. Was he heartbroken? Or was he experiencing some other type of feelings that he didn’t know?

“Right, Lily, this is Regulus, Sirius’s brother” James introduced the two of them as he stared at the girl in front of him. _So her name was Lily_. She has freckles on her face, her long hair tied up in a ponytail, she has a kind smile on her face. She didn’t look bad, if anything, she was definitely the type of girl who’d be with James “Regulus, this is Lily, my _girlfriend_ ” The word was like multiple needles stabbing in Regulus’s skin repeatedly, he felt that itchy feeling again like last year. Only now, the feeling was hurting him.

“He doesn’t really open to people” James said as Regulus stared into his eyes, he took one more look at him and pushed Sirius’s arm off his shoulder, walking to the other direction

“ _Wait! Where are you going? The Great Hall is this way!”_ Sirius yelled after him but Regulus’s steps only got faster by seconds “ _Don’t you want to eat?”_ It wasn’t until he got out of Hogwarts that he was able to calm himself.

So this was how it felt to be heartbroken, he could answer James’s question now, it did hurt to see someone you love with someone else. Regulus gripped on his robes, feeling the his heart beating faster, he felt tight in his chest, felt like he couldn’t breathe. Regulus didn’t let himself think into the situation much, there was no way he was in love with James Potter, he has never known love before. All the times James smiled at him, touched him, ruffled his hair, hugged him along with Sirius, teased him, Regulus had tried to ignore everything he felt then. He couldn’t allow himself to have feelings for anyone, let alone love, and especially James Potter, out of all people. It couldn’t be love. And when he felt like exploding, Regulus looked at the black sky above him and balled his hands into fists, he didn’t want to feel like this anymore, he hated this feeling, this pain, the heartache, he wasn’t used to it and he had to get rid of it. Regulus bit his lips and walked away.

He needed to take the Dark Mark.

**_*_ **

****

****

****

****

****

Regulus could hear the sound of nothing at all, it was absolute silence around him, he liked it. His left arm felt numb, the itch has stopped and now he couldn’t feel anything anymore. The process was easy, the Dark Lord basically just gave him a tattoo, actually, he felt…darker, if that was an actual feeling. After running away days ago to take the mark, he hasn’t talked to either Sirius or James, though his brother had tried to find him because somehow he had found out Regulus took the mark. He even stood outside of his dorm, but Regulus was too tired to talk to him. He figured Sirius might start on how Regulus shouldn’t have done it and how he could still be a good person, how he could join the good side, Regulus didn’t need to hear those stuff now.

He exhaled quietly, folding his legs and leaned on the wood behind him, he was at the Quidditch field again, it was the only place he could get some peace at the moment, that no one could find him. Regulus opened his eyes when he heard the grass being stepped on. _Someone was here._ He glanced around, but it was absolute darkness around him.

“Hey” Regulus froze when the voice and a figure appeared next to him. If only he could stop being bothered by people right now. Regulus closed his eyes, ignoring everything again “Are you not talking to me too?” James asked, he heard more noises and the Gryffindor was settling down on the spot next to him

“You took the mark?” James continued, Regulus sighed deeply, opening his eyes once again and looking up at the sky. He could feel James’s eyes on him, intense eyes.

“How did you find me?”

“I…got a thing” James said, he didn’t know why he paused at the sentence, he didn’t care much “Padfoot was going to talk to you, he was a little pissed, so Moony pulled him away to some place to talk, and er, I thought I could go instead”

Regulus stayed quiet, he didn’t have anything to say to him, he didn’t need to explain himself

“Did you really take the mark?”

“Do you care?” He didn’t like when people pretend to care about him, everything or everyone has a purpose. People make friends with him for status, not because they really want him to be friends, his parents care about him because he was the obedient one, not because they actually love him.

“Of course I do, and Sirius cares about you too”

“You don’t have to pretend you care, I’m nothing but the brother of your close friend” Regulus mumbled, moving to the left a few inches but James continued to move with him “What’s done is done, please just leave if you’re going to lecture me on how I should live my life”

“I’m not” James mumbled back, folding his legs together and pulling out something from his pocket, it was a candy, chocolate candy. He handed it out to Regulus but the Slytherin was hesitant “Take it” He pulled Regulus’s hand out and shoved the candy in his palm “I didn’t give you anything on your birthday”

“If you want anything” James added after Regulus took the candy “You can tell me, I’ll give you whatever you want”

“Can you leave?”

“That I can’t” James chuckled, he moved until his shoulder touched Regulus’s and continued “I just thought you want someone to talk to, well, or just to be with” To this sentence, he didn’t know what to answer. Did he want James to leave?

“We could just stay quiet, if you want” James added, leaning his body on Regulus just slightly “What’s done is done, but Sirius and I will protect you, we will save you, when you want us to”

“ _James”_

“Okay, I’ll be quiet now” James finished his sentence and they both didn’t say anything since then.

“Do you want to go back?” James spoke up, breaking the silence after they sat there, both looking at the sky for a long time, Regulus didn’t count but he knew it must have been at least an hour. Just the two of them breathing calmly together, with James moving his position every few minutes, making the grass rustled. Regulus stood up first without a word as James followed him, it must be late too “Your hair is growing” Regulus stopped wiping the grass off his robes and lifted his chin up to look at James “It suits you” His hand came up, only this time, Regulus didn’t push it away. He let James pushed his hair behind his ear, he was right, his hair was growing out, falling to his shoulder now. Regulus stopped breathing when James’s hand stopped at his ear, his heart started speeding up when the Gryffindor’s trailed his hand down his cheek

“ _You’re just adorable!”_ James pinched Regulus’s cheek hard and the Slytherin immediately shoved him away. The moment has ended.

“Would you stop doing that?” He huffed out, walking away first and James running after him.

“Did I do it too hard?”

“Shut up” His hands were shaking, he couldn’t believe what had just happened between them. James has a girlfriend for fuck’s sake, Regulus needed to know his limit.

*

“You’re the dark lord’s little bitch now, huh?” Regulus held himself back when an older Ravenclaw cornered him along with his friends, they were big, even if Regulus wanted to, he couldn’t fight all of them, one against four was simply impossible

“Please move” He didn’t want to make a scene at all, but these people came out of nowhere and just started taunting him with these words

“Or what? You gonna call him?” He pushed Regulus’s shoulder, making him lost his balance and staggered back. Could he catch a bloody break sometimes?

“ _Hey! What are you doing?”_ There was his brother and his friends again, running to the spot and probably trying to rescue him “Did you just hit my brother?”

“Black” The Ravenclaw said, stepped to the side so Sirius could pull Regulus to him “You don’t have to defend him, he’s a Death Eater”

“Don’t you think I know my brother?” Sirius pulled out his wand and pointed it at the Ravenclaws, but Lupin quickly grabbed his wrist to calm him down “Let me hex them”

“You can’t get in detention again” Lupin whispered to him, James was next to him, looking at the Ravenclaws

“Come on, Black, he’s the Dark Lord’s bitch, he’ll do—…”

“ _Prongs!”_ Sirius and Lupin both yelled out when James lunged at the Ravenclaw with a punch, the guy fell on the floor holding his bloody nose

“ _What the bloody hell is wrong with you guys? Are you defending a Death Eater?”_ The Ravenclaw yelled at them while James rubbed his hand, Regulus didn’t need them to fight anyone for him, he could have got out of this situation himself

“I think we should get him to the hospital wings, before Professor McGonagall found out” Pettigrew spoke from behind and they all nodded

“Er, James, you stay with Regulus, alright?” Sirius said, letting go of Regulus and pushing him into James’s arms “I’ll go deal with this, and Minnie too, she probably knows already now” Sirius said, walking away with Lupin, Pettigrew and the Ravenclaws. It was just James and Regulus in the empty hall

“You didn’t have to do that” He said, seeing that James was still rubbing his knuckles “I can defend myself”

“I know, I just couldn’t help it” He smiled and suddenly turned to Regulus, he cupped the Slytherin’s face and moved his face to the sides, as if he was checking for any scratches “They didn’t hit you, right?”

“No” He pushed James’s hands away but grabbed his right wrist, he looked at his red knuckles and sighed “Does it hurt?”

“Nah, it doesn’t even hurt at all” James said and hissed when Regulus pressed his fingers on the knuckles “ _Fuck,_ why did you do that?”

“To see if you’re lying or not” He grabbed his wand and James pulled his hand back “Give me your hand”

“I’m fine”

“You might have fractured your bones, I need to heal it” He said, staring at James and it was a few seconds before the Gryffindor gave his hand back to Regulus. He pointed his wand at James’s hand and murmured a spell, healing it until the skin stopped bruising

“Thanks” James said and ruffled his hair again, crouching down to smile at Regulus “You’re so adorable, you know that?”

“I’m not” He slapped James’s hand away when he tried to pinch his cheek again “Stop doing that”

“I heard you excelled at all of your exams” James looked at him, gripping his shoulder and shaking it slightly “I’m proud of you”

“I don’t need you to” He said, ignoring the small tingling feeling in his stomach when James said he was proud of him. It was almost summer now, meaning they won’t see each other anymore, James had finished his Seventh Year, him and Sirius are graduating next week. This was probably going to be the last time they have conversations like this. Regulus took one look at James before walking away. He shouldn’t be too attached to James, he has a lot of missions ahead.

*

“I know you don’t want to hear this” Sirius held Regulus’s hand and looked at him “I can protect you, we, we can protect you, we will save you, the Order, James and I”

“Sirius”

“I know, I know, I’m just worried about you” Sirius sighed, tucking his hair behind his ear, he didn’t mind Sirius’s actions anymore, it was warmer than anything his parents have ever showed him “You’re my brother, it’s my responsibility to protect you, you can always look for me”

“I know” He answered, so Sirius would drop the topic, he knew what he was getting himself into, he also didn’t want Sirius to think much about it

“Thank you for packing with me” Sirius said, closing his trunk and looked at Regulus. He didn’t know why he helped, but since their relationship has improved, he didn’t feel the need to be cold with Sirius anymore, they were brothers, after all “Hey, have you seen the picture of me and Prongs anywhere?”

“No, where did you leave it?”

“On the table here, next to the bunch of pictures of the four of us” Sirius said, shrugging after collecting the pictures and putting it in the trunk “Never mind, I’ll just take more pictures” He said, standing up and opening the door “I got a few books to return to the library, you’re fine here, right?”

“Go” He said, Sirius nodded at him and closed the door. At this moment, Regulus pulled out a picture from his pocket and stared at it. It was a picture of James and his brother, with their arms draping over the other and they were laughing together. Regulus didn’t mean to take it, he just figured he…needed something to remember James by. They would never meet again from now, as James’d be out of Hogwarts, and probably getting married to his girlfriend soon, while Regulus would follow the Dark Lord. They got to go on their separate ways now, it has been like that from the start, they were never meant to be together, like he had said himself before, he didn’t deserve love, _especially James’s._

*

**_1979_ **

He was wrong about the Dark Lord, he shouldn’t have trusted him. Regulus thought to himself as he wrote down the note to put it in the locket, he needed to do this.

“Where is it?” Regulus messed up his table trying to find his wand that he had just left here and something fell to the ground. He stared at the picture and froze there, it was a picture of James and Sirius, the one he had taken, he hadn’t looked at it for so long. He picked it up and couldn’t help but gawk at the goofy smile James had in the picture. It’s been a long time since they met, years, since the graduation. James had gotten married to his girlfriend, Sirius still tried to contact Regulus, but he wouldn’t answer. His brother would always send letters saying he’d protect Regulus, that he could save him, that he still have chances to be on the good side. Regulus held the picture tightly in his hand and wondered… _could he still be saved now?_

Regulus quickly pulled out another parchment and sat down, he still had some time left. If he was going to die, he better say what he had to say. Regulus wrote down all his feelings for James, from the moment he started to have those feelings, and up until now, it was still in his heart.

_‘I know what I want to wish for on my birthday now, James’_ Regulus wrote down the last line, it was the question James had always asked him on his birthday, but he had never answered, he didn’t know what he wanted back then, until now, as he finished the letter ‘ _I wish I could kiss you’_ He looked at the letter and folded it, shoving it in one of his books along with the picture. It wouldn’t matter anyway. He didn’t deserve James.

*

“ _Fuck!”_ Regulus’s throat was getting dry, he tried to crawl up but the Inferi were everywhere from underneath the water

“ _Master—…”_

_“Go! Switch the lockets and destroy the real Horcrux!”_ He yelled at Kreacher, trying to fight the Inferi but they were pulling him down “ _Now!”_ His voice was hoarse and Kreacher finally disappeared. Regulus did everything he could, kicking and scratching his nails on the stones until his blood was on it, he couldn’t do anything anymore. This was the end for him.

As he was drowned by Voldemort’s Inferi, as his vision started to get blurry, Regulus’s life flashed before him. There was Sirius, who he respected the most, who has always tried to protect him, who was his closest. His childhood came flooding back, all the times he was happy, when he was cared for. And then, it was just James, _James Potter_ , who he regretted most. He regretted falling for that messy hair, the crooked glasses, the bright smile.

_“Will you be proud of me? Will you ruffle my hair like you always do and smile at me?”_ His own thoughts and James’s face were the two last things engraved in his mind as he sunk into the deep black water.

_Save me_

*

“ _Hey”_

_“Hey you!”_

_“Oh thank god you’re awake”_ He rubbed his eyes when light was shining above him, he slowly opened his eyes, looking at the strange woman before him “Do you know who you are?”

“Who are you?” He sat up and groaned, holding his head, it was painful, like someone was hitting his head with a rock “ _Fuck,_ where am I?”

“You’re in America” The woman said to him soothingly, she put a hand on his shoulder and sighed “You shouldn’t move too fast like that, it’s lucky I was able to save you”

“ _Save me?”_

“Long story short” She stood up and walked to the kitchen, now that he had the chance to look around, this was a small place. Just a cosy looking home, the woman was young, probably in her thirties, with fashionable clothes, but she definitely looked odd. There were flowers on her hair and weirdly a lot of flowers around the place too “Somehow I accidentally got to a cave, where I found _you._ It’s weird, really, I was making a potion, and it’s supposed to bring me to a place where I could help people. I was thinking a place with poverty or something, but I found you instead”

“Me?”

“Yeah” She started making tea and turned around to look at him, she didn’t look evil “You were being drowned by those crazy monsters, I had to cast a Firestorm spell” She swirled her fingers, moving the cup and spoon into her hands as she continued telling the story. He could tell she was a strong witch “It was hard trying to save you, you were practically almost dead by then, but I was able to do it. Made me a little dizzy, but I’m fine now” She poured the tea into the cup and walked to the bed, handing it to him “But, I couldn’t save everything. You can’t remember who you are, right?”

“No”

“That’s what I thought” She sighed, moving a chair to her spot with wandless magic and sat down “The only thing I was able to get from you was your name, and the fact that you’re wizard like me. Everything else, unfortunately couldn’t be saved”

“My name?”

“It’s Regulus, that’s all I got” She leaned back on the chair and pursed her lips “It seems like you have memory loss, but I asked a friend of mine and they said you might have it back if you see something that reminds you of your life before you died”

“ _Regulus”_ He murmured. Was that his name? He couldn’t remember anything at all. And every time he tried, he’d get a massive pain in his head, so painful he could faint “Why, why did you save me?”

“I couldn’t just leave you there to die” She tilted her head to the side and looked at him “You look like a good kid, you’re probably under twenty, I can’t just do that” She leaned over and pushed his hair behind his ear, pressing her lips together. He didn’t know why, but he felt a wave of warmth when she did that “It’s been a month and you finally wake up, I feel really happy you’re really alive now. I was afraid I wasn’t strong enough to save you. Sometimes you’d murmured a few things when you were in a coma”

“I did? What did I say?”

“You kept saying _save me_ ” She said, conjuring a thick book to her lap that looked like a spell book, she opened it and flipped through the pages while he drank the tea she made “Just those two words, it was weird” She grumbled and closed the book, looking at him “I’ll keep trying to find a spell that could bring back your memory, there’s nothing in this book I have, but I’ll find one. Or else…we might have to wait until you see something that strikes your memory back”

“Alright, er, what’s your name?”

“Melinda” She said, smiling at him and standing up, grabbing her robes “I’m going out to buy some food, you sure you can be alone?” He nodded and she opened the door, waving at him “Don’t try to stand because you’re probably not strong enough to do that yet. So just rest until I got back, then we can work on how to bring back your memory” She said, closing the door and let Regulus alone in the house. It was weird, how he was almost dead and now brought back to life. Did this mean he was given a second chance at life? If he was reborn for a reason, he might as well live, since she had helped him

*

**_May 3 rd, 1998_ **

“Morning!” Regulus nodded when Melinda greeted him, he walked to the kitchen and received the cup of coffee from her hands. Living here with Melinda has changed him in a lot of ways, he still wasn’t able to gain his memory back, instead, he learned to live here with her

“Where’s your wife?” He asked and sipped on the coffee as Melinda continued reading the papers

“She’s at the shop, it’s ten in the morning, Regulus” She said, Melinda has gotten married ten years ago, to a lovely Muggleborn called Serena. Although sometimes Regulus felt like a burden living with them, they’d always assure him he wasn’t “ _Woah”_

“What? What are you reading?” He glanced over at the newspaper but she was hogging it all “What makes you so surprised?”

“There’s a big war just ended in the Great Britain” She said, reading it out loud to him “Seems like a kid just killed off a big dark wizard over there. Here” She handed the newspaper to him and he started reading “In the next page there’s a picture of the hero, I think” Regulus flipped the page over and his eyes widened at the picture.

“ _Fuck!”_ He grabbed his head when the huge twinge of pain hitting his head, he stepped back and leaned on the counter

“ _Regulus! What’s wrong?”_ He stared at the picture in the papers, the kid wasn’t a big deal, but the people standing next to him. There was a guy with long black hair, looking somewhat like Regulus.

_“Sirius!”_ Regulus mumbled when images came flashing back in his head. Sirius was his brother, memories of them as kids until they were teenagers, words Sirius used to tell him, it all came back. Then next to him was a tall guy with glasses, messy hair that looked like the kid’s dad, Regulus’s head was getting more painful, like he was being hit in the head, he collapsed on the knees on the ground as Melinda rushed to him

“ _Are you getting your memory back?”_

“ _James!”_ He mumbled, staring with wide eyes at the papers on the floor. _James. James. James._ His mind was full of his images, and not only the memories, but the feelings also came back. The pain, the love, he pressed at his heart and closed his eyes, everything was too much for him to handle “ _Save me”_ He whispered before it all went black again.

*

“You’ve _got_ to stop scaring me like that” Melinda said once Regulus opened his eyes again, he was on the bed now and it felt like years ago when he woke up and saw her for the first time “So, I figured you got your memories back?”

“Yeah, all of it” He said, looking up at the ceiling as Melinda moved things behind her to make another cup of tea for him “It’s strange”

“How?”

“I feel…full” He murmured, before this happened, he has always felt like something was missing, now that he has got his memories back, he felt so full he could explode. His family, his brother, and _James_

“Obviously, you got your memory back, your brain is full” Melinda handed the cup to him and helped him sit up “You were out for hours, your eyes wouldn’t stop moving, it’s kinda scary. But besides all that, I checked and you’re fine”

“Thanks”

“So, do you know what you should do now?”

“What do you mean?”

“What do _I_ mean? I mean now you know who you are, you can go back there” She squealed at him, holding his hand and shaking it, but as soon as she saw the hesitant look in his eyes, she leaned back “Unless…you’re afraid to go back”

“Of course I’m afraid. They think I’m dead already” He said, he was scared. What if they have forgotten about him? What if they didn’t believe him? “Look, you saved me, I was given a second chance, don’t you think it means I should start a new life, instead of coming back to my old one?”

“Alright, tell me your story”

“What?”

“Tell me your story” She said, pushing him to the side so she could slide in the bed with him “Tell me, and we can figure out what to do”

*

“So that’s it?”

“That’s it”

“ _Well then what are you waiting for? Go back there!”_ She nudged him and grabbed the cup of tea from his hand to place it on the table “Regulus, what you said about starting a new life, it’s all bullshit. Listen to me, you were given a second chance…to continue your life, in a new way”

“I’m confused”

“You love James” She said, pressing her lips together and smiled at him. After all those years, she was the one that understand him the most “You love him, and you love your brother. You should go back there, pay them a visit, scare the hell out of them. It’s the least you could do”

“What if—…”

“There’s no _what if_ anymore, Regulus” She cupped his face and pinched his cheeks “I believe you should just do it. You were reborn to continue your life in a new way, like I just said. You’re different now, you’re not the same shy eighteen years old kid who went to the wrong side. You’re a grown man, who’s fully capable of deciding things on your own, you know your feelings, you should just do it now, don’t think about what would happen. Don’t regret it”

“And no, who cares if he’s still married” Melinda cut him off even before he could open his mouth “Just think of it as a short visit. You should see your brother too, and remember, you can always come back here. We’re your family, we’re here if you need us. Alright?”

*

“I can’t believe I’m actually doing this” He grabbed the long black robes and put it on himself, it was Melinda’s robes, but he had borrowed it from her to go back “I can’t believe I listened to you”

“Remember, you can always come back here” Melinda said, cupping his face and kissing his forehead “We will always be here if you need us” She sighed softly and tucked his hair behind his ear “We’ve been your family for years, but _I_ know, and _you_ know that where you’re heading now, _that_ is your real home, better go back there, Regulus”

“I’m going to miss you” Serena said, tears rolling from her eyes as she pulled Regulus in a hug “We’re gonna miss you so much”

“It’s not like I’m going to leave forever” He said, rubbing her back, they have become a huge part of his life, and he’d definitely miss them “Although…” He said when she finally let him go “You’re a Seer…don’t tell me you know I’m not going back here?”

“I’m not a Seer and I know it myself, Reg” Melinda said, pulling him in for a quick hug as well “I know you’ll be happy there”

“I will miss you two” He looked at the couple and couldn’t help but get emotional himself. He grabbed the Portkey in his hand and smiled at them one last time

“ _Bye”_ They both said to him as he disappeared. One second he was in America, now he was back in Hogsmeade, he had chosen this place because his life before he was dead was mostly spent in Hogwarts. He figured he should start there, Regulus put his hood up to cover his head and walked down the street. It was all so familiar to him, the place, the scents, the people, it had changed, but he still remember it.

Regulus has been walking for hours, he has stopped and eaten lunch, no one has recognised him. Obviously because people still think he died since he was eighteen, who could remember him now? He continued slipping through the crowd of people and stopped when he saw Honeydukes. Regulus stepped forward and got inside the shop, it was full of students, some gave him the looks, so he has to put the hood down to make him less suspicious. After all, no one would recognise him. He didn’t like sweets, but something was telling him to go in here. Maybe he should buy some for Sirius, he wasn’t sure where to find his brother, but he definitely has to do it later, it was the one thing he had promised Melinda, that and…talking to James. But he wasn’t sure if he was ready or not. He picked up a chocolate candy, it looked like the one James had given him after he got the mark.

“ _Oh shit! Sorry!”_ Regulus was frozen on the spot when he heard a familiar voice near him. It was no other than James’s, the voice that has been in his head for years, before he almost died and lost his memory, of course. Regulus turned slightly to the right and saw the one he didn’t want to standing there. James was apologising for bumping into some kids, he…was different. Probably because he got older, more mature, Regulus slipped through the students and quickly got out of the shop, he wasn’t ready at all, he stopped to catch his breath before continuing his visit.

“ _Hey”_ His breath hitched when James spoke from behind him. Did he just follow him out here? “Er, are you…are you Regulus?” He could hear the stuttering in James’s voice, he might have seen Regulus when he tried to get out of Honeydukes. He didn’t dare move, as James was still standing behind him

“I…I’m not sure what I just saw is real, I just…you look like someone I know, just…older” James continued, and he wished he could flee right now, but the street was crowded with people, he couldn’t run if he wanted to “I’m sorry if I’m wrong, but, er, can you turn around?” Regulus balled his hands into fists, he didn’t know what he should do. What if— _oh wait_ , Melinda wouldn’t let him say those two words now. He suddenly remembered all the things she have told him the night before he went back. She had told him to take the chance, at life, and love, and instead of running away, he should face it. Regulus let out a deep breath and turned slowly around, looking at James, whose eyes were widening in front of him.

“Is—is that really you?” James rubbed his eyes repeatedly and even cleaned his glasses with his shirt “Is it...is it you? Am I hallucinating? I—Have I gone mad?”

“Would you…would you faint if I said I’m still alive?” He said, looking into James’s trembling eyes, his hands were shaking. He expected something dramatic, he thought James would probably faint, throw up even, but when he pulled Regulus into a tight embrace, Regulus felt as if time froze, as if he was fifteen again when he was first hugged by James. They stayed like that for so long, students have walked past them with weird looks on their faces.

“ _James_ ” He said, only making James tightening the hug “I can’t breathe”

“I’m sorry” James broke away from the hug and looked down at him, still looking surprised “I just—I can’t believe what I’m seeing. You’re—you’re still alive”

“It’s a long story” He said, looking around and back at James “Maybe we should find somewhere to talk”

*

“That’s…a lot to process” James said after Regulus had decided to tell him everything that had happened. How he almost died, how he woke up in America, how he learned to live with Melinda there, and how he got his memory back. When he told the story, it was indescribable for him too, he couldn’t believe he had gone through all of that and still survived until now “I’m proud of you, I still can’t believe you’re alive” James placed his hand on top of Regulus’s right in the tea shop, where everyone could see them. He flinched and retreated his hand, remembering the fact that James was still a married man.

“So, tell me about you, and Sirius” He said, fiddling with the rim of his teacup and ignoring the slightly sad look on James’s face

“Oh, your brother got married”

“ _Oh?”_

“To Moony”

“ _Lupin?”_ Regulus gasped, leaning over. Did he hear that correctly? Did Sirius really get married to Lupin. Was his brother gay? “ _Remus Lupin?”_

“Yeah, turned out all the times I told you they’ve sneaked off somewhere” James chuckled and scratched the nape of his neck “They were off snogging with each other, but they didn’t actually get into a real relationship until years after. Remus thought your brother deserves better, your brother didn’t think so, it’s a long story, but they’ve been married for fifteen years now, they got a son, Teddy”

“ _Teddy”_ Regulus mumbled, so he has a nephew now. Teddy, he already sounded like a good kid “If I’m not wrong, did your son really kill off the Dark Lord?”

“Oh yeah” James said, smiling like an idiot “His name is Harry, I’m really proud of him. And he, er, he’s in a relationship with…do you know Lucius and Narcissa Malfoy?”

“Yeah” How could he not remember? She was his cousin, he did find out she got married to a Malfoy shortly after he got the Dark Mark. They were the Dark Lord’s followers as well “I remember”

“Harry’s in a relationship with Draco Malfoy, their son” James said, while Regulus was still surprise at the fact. The son of the Malfoy’s family, the family that was said to be incredibly close minded? That was impossible to even imagine “Draco became a Death Eater when he was sixteen, er, like you. After a while, Harry suddenly brought Draco to meet the Order, the next thing we know, Draco was helping us, to destroy Voldemort and his Horcrux. After the battle at Hogwarts yesterday, they just started kissing in the middle of the crowd. So, er, that’s how I figured out my son is in a relationship with him”

“ _Wow”_ He gaped at the story, that’d mean Draco was his first cousin once removed. He couldn’t believe yesterday he was in America and now he was back at his home, listening to stories about his family and new relatives he didn’t even know about before “What else?”

“And, er, Lily and I have separated” The man in front of him finally said the words that startled him the most. _What?_

“What?” He asked, he wasn’t sure he heard it right. They got a divorce? 

“Yeah, er, it’s just a few years ago, honestly, we realised we have both changed, we just didn’t…it wasn’t the same, and decided to get a divorce. We were afraid we’d damage Harry if we do it, but somehow he found out himself and said he was fine with it. So we did it, Lily and I are still friends, of course”

“ _Oh”_ What was he supposed to do with this piece of information? Should he just confess his feelings now? After all those years of hiding it? How would he even start it?

“And, a few years ago, when Remus and Sirius were cleaning the Grimmauld Place” James continued, startling Regulus and stopping him from overthinking “He decided to organise your room” Regulus stared at him, unable to say a word. Based on the way James was looking at him, he felt like something was about to be exposed “He found the picture of him and I in your book”

“Oh no” He mumbled, flinching when James suddenly put his hand on top of Regulus’s again, he spoke out the five simple words that made Regulus’s heart skipped a beat

“I still kept your letter” And at that moment, when James intertwined their fingers together, in front of all these people without caring, as he stared into Regulus’s eyes, his shaking hands were holding Regulus’s hand tightly “Do you remember your last line in the letter?” He asked Regulus. How could he possibly forget? He wrote it down because he didn’t think anyone would ever find it, but now that James had told him he still kept the letter. He couldn’t find any way to back out of this.

“Is it possible that you might have forgotten about it?” He asked hesitantly, but James shook his head and gave him a small smile “You’ve read it over and over, haven’t you?”

“I couldn’t help it, I kinda read it almost every day” James said, holding both of Regulus’s hands in his “I don’t know if this makes sense to you, but…I think I have feelings for you too, even before I found out about your letter. I mean, I used to think of you as Sirius’s brother. But, especially the nights in the Quidditch field, when you hugged me for the first time, I felt something…that I think I was too afraid to admit, and I didn’t want to cross a line. I thought Lily was the only woman I’d ever have feelings for” He said, pushing his glasses up when it slipped down and looked at Regulus “Well, it’s still true, she’s the only _woman_ I ever had feelings for. When you...when we found out you died, Sirius was—he was devastated, Remus had to stay with him for weeks, he didn’t eat, he didn’t want to do anything, we were all shocked. And I, I was just as devastated too” James said, swallowing hard as he stared into Regulus’s eyes “When I heard the news, I didn’t know why, but tears were rolling down my face, I couldn’t stop thinking about how I couldn’t see you for the last time before you...And I thought I was just grieving for someone I’m close with. But when I found the letter, when I read it, all the emotions from that day came back, and I realised it wasn’t just platonic anymore, the feelings I have for you, so I started crying again. I regretted not saving you, I could have, I could have tried, but I didn’t. I always thought...if you were here in front of me again, I’d tell you about my feelings, I’d tell you that I love you too, that I wanted to save you, that no matter what you said, I still think you deserve love. And if you let me, I’ll make you feel loved every day”

“What are you saying?” Even when he had heard all those words coming out of James’s mouth, he still couldn’t believe it

“Can I kiss you?” Regulus leaned back when James stood up and crossed over the table to cup his face. People were staring at them and he couldn’t help but feeling shy

“ _James,_ there are people here” He pressed his hand on James’s chest to stop him but all he could feel was his heartbeat, which was speeding up “ _James”_

“I love it when you call me James” He only stopped until their faces were close, his hand touched Regulus’s right ear “Do you know you have a small mole on your right ear?”

“What?” He glanced over and shivered when James touched his earlobe “How do you know that?”

“The night on the Quidditch field, when I touched your face” James chuckled softly and sighed “You look incredibly beautiful right now just like you were back then, it’s like you didn’t even age at all”

“ _James”_ He looked down to hide the blush on his cheeks, but James lifted his chin up and smiled at him “Do you mean what you say?”

“What? That I like you? Or that I want to kiss you?” James caressed his cheek and Regulus leaned into his touch like a cat “Do you feel my heartbeat right now?” Regulus still felt James’s chest under his hand and blushed even harder “I like you, Regulus Black” Regulus’s breath hitched at the sentence and he leaned up to kiss James, surprising the man. He has wanted to do this forever, it was a few seconds before James kissed him back. For a minute, he wanted to forget there was people around here, he just wanted to live in this moment for a while, to feel how James kissed him, feel the way he sucked on his lips teasingly, the way he slipped his tongue into his mouth smoothly, the way he cupped Regulus’s face.

Regulus kissed him back hungrily, like he was finally able to feel happiness, and he felt that when he was with James. He grabbed at James’s collar, pulling him closer and deepening the kiss, every time James touched his skin, he could feel like he was burning up in a good way, and it felt like a fire of passion between them. That was the situation, until Regulus heard the murmurs around them.

“ _James”_ He mumbled between kisses and pushed James away, unable to look at the people in the shop, they were all staring at them, some students even smiled at them happily. Regulus wiped his wet lips and watched James fixed his glasses, his lips swollen

“Oh, just in time”

“What?” Regulus looked outside the shop where James was gawking at, gasping when he saw the back of his brother, and possibly his husband next to him with a child between the two of them “You…”

“I thought you might want to see them, I haven’t told them you’re still alive yet though, so they might be surprised” James smiled and sat back on his spot, Regulus turned around as the door was opened. The moment his eyes locked with Sirius, his brother started trembling, just like how James was just hours ago when he first saw Regulus again. Lupin was also stunned, holding Sirius when he staggered a few steps back

“ _Reg”_ Was all Sirius could mumble as tears found its way down his cheeks, he got older too. Regulus stood up and gave him a smile, the moment Sirius ran to him, he knew Melinda was right, even though she and Serena have been his family for the past years, _this_ was still his home.

*

**_Five years later~_ **

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_“Ah! James! Slo—slow down!”_ He tried to punch James’s chest but apparently it only made him thrust in faster. His body was spasming continuously “ _James! I can’t! I’ve cum three times now”_

“ _One more time”_ James said, gripping tightly on Regulus’s small waist, his lips sucking on his sensitive buds, he wouldn’t stop stimulating Regulus everywhere. He has come three times, untouched, and James still has no intention of stopping “ _You’re just way too tempting, you know that?”_

_“Stop saying nonsense—ah!”_ Regulus mumbled, grabbing James’s hair and tugging it. With every thrust James gave, he felt like the bed was shaking as well “ _Slower, James! I can’t come anymore”_

_“Do you want me to stop?”_ James looked down at him and intertwined their hands, he kissed Regulus’s cheek and bit his chin _“Do you_?” He said, thrusting slowly but deeply, making Regulus whined out loud. He was wrong when he said James should go slower, because now it was deep and hitting his prostate every time

“ _No”_

“What’s that? I can’t hear you” James chuckled, licking a stripe up his chest, his cock stirring up Regulus’s inside, making his toes squirm “You want me to stop?”

“ _No_ ” He moaned, his nails digging on James’s back with his legs locked tight around his waist “ _Faster, don’t stop”_

_“You’re just brilliant”_ James chuckled, speeding up and slamming in hard, making the bed squeak. He latched himself on Regulus’s neck again, making more skin bruised from his kisses. He thought James was all soft when it comes to sex, he didn’t know he’d act like a beast in bed “ _You’re beautiful”_ He murmured, his hands traveling up and down Regulus’s chest, sliding around his back, making him shiver.

“ _Ah! I’m coming! I’m coming!”_ He moaned, but James quickly held his cock, stopping him from releasing

_“Not yet_ ” He said, whispering into Regulus’s ear _“I want_ _us to come together_ ”

“ _You’re a menace—fuck”_ He whined when James kept thrusting, his forehead was sweating now, he needed to come, his body was sticky and full of the fluids from the times he had came earlier “ _What are—…”_ He jolted when James pulled him up to a sitting position “ _Ah! No! It’s too deep!”_ He buried his face in the crook of James’s neck, feeling his cock inside him that wouldn’t stop moving, now that it was even deeper than before, Regulus couldn’t handle it “ _James, please”_

“ _I love when you call my name”_ James cupped his face and captured him in a kiss, sucking on his bottom lip and slipping his tongue in, tasting every taste of him as much as possible “ _I love the face you make right now, do you know how beautiful you look?”_

“ _You talk a lot”_ He murmured, kissing James’s jawline, moving his hips on his own, fucking himself on James’s cock, moans coming out of his throat every few seconds “ _Do you ever shut up?”_

“ _You love hearing me talk, don’t deny it”_ James chuckled, holding his hips and thrusting up, Regulus almost lost his balance and has to leaned back with his hands on the bed, trying to hold himself up. He wasn’t wrong, one time Regulus had straight up cum from James saying he was proud of him, that was how they both realised Regulus got praise kink, and James never forget that fact since then

_“Ah”_ Regulus moaned and his body twitched when James latched on his nipple again, one hand still holding Regulus’s cock “ _It’s sensitive there”_ He arched his back, tightening his hole and let out a loud cry when James bit on his nipple teasingly “ _You’re cruel”_ He locked his arms around James’s neck and bit on his shoulder, earning a hiss from him

“ _You like it rough then”_ James pushed Regulus back on the bed and thrusted in fast and repeatedly, Regulus’s legs were on James’s shoulders, his hands gripping on the bedsheet as his mouth fell open from the sensation

“ _I wanna cum”_ He pleaded when James buried himself in Regulus’s hair, licking his ear and biting it. He wailed loudly, wanting to come again “ _James! James!”_

“ _I want to see you come untouched”_ James whispered, letting go of Regulus’s length and pinned his hands above his head, slamming in his hole deep “ _I want to hear you say my name, Regulus”_

“ _How—how come you still have strength?”_ He stuttered between words when James grabbed his arse and kneaded them apart, kissing Regulus’s ankle “ _I want to cum”_ He pulled James down by his neck and kissed his husband, feeling his cock growing even bigger inside him. How was this possible? “ _Please let me cum”_ He licked James’s lips, biting it and trailing his tongue up his jawline, where James liked most “ _I want us to come together, James”_

“ _I love you, Regulus”_ James said, pushing Regulus’s wet hair on his forehead to the side and kissing his cheeks. It was still weird to be taken care of up until now, but James was always there for him, to assure him that he was loved, like he has always wanted to.

“ _I love you—ah! James! I’m coming! I’m coming!”_ He cried out, arching his back as his toes squirmed, James’s thrusts were slow and deep, hitting every nerve in his prostate, his cock twitched and he just started coming, fluids hitting his belly all over again. James’s body was spasming as well, he glued himself to Regulus’s body, releasing himself inside him.

“ _I’m proud of you”_ He murmured, and Regulus’s cock jerked again, spilling just a little more cum out

“Did you just…cum again?” James lifted himself up with his hands and looked down at Regulus, who was hiding his face now “Because I said I’m proud of you?”

“Shut up” He pushed James to the side and sat up, feeling the cum oozing out of his entrance “You know that already”

“I know” James pulled him for a hug from behind and kissed his ear “I love you”

“Clean up and get ready” Regulus casted a cleaning charm on himself and grabbed his clothes from the floor to put it on “I can’t believe you seduced me into doing it with you before the Christmas party”

“I’m sorry, you looked hot in your new outfit” James started putting on clothes as well and fixed his hair, as if it was fixable. Regulus grabbed the glass from the bedside table and put it on James, earning a smile from his husband “I like it when you do that”

“Time to go” Regulus hid his blush by pushing James away and opening the door

“ _Dad!”_ They stopped when they bumped into Harry and Draco, who was just exiting the bathroom

“ _Harry”_

_“Regulus”_

“ _First cousin once removed?”_ Regulus said, looking at James to see if he was correct. What was this? A family greeting? “What are you two doing here?”

“Er, I, we were just…” Harry spoke, stuttering like his dad, his shirt was buttoned the wrong ways and he has the same bed hair like James, while Draco looked slightly blushed. He could only assume they just finished what he and James did just seconds ago “Got a thing in the bathroom”

“Should we head downstairs for the party?” Regulus pointed at the stairs and they all nodded, walking down together, Regulus held James’s hand tightly, he didn’t want to let go. Remus and Sirius must have been waiting for them. They were the hosts, they should have been there, instead he was up in his bedroom being devoured by his own husband, who probably has the highest libido he has ever known.

*

“Cocoa?” James said, startling him and Regulus nodded, moving to the side so his husband could join him

  
”Thank you”

”Is that the Lyra star?”

” _Constellation_ ” Regulus corrected him and looked at James, who was smiling at him

”I knew you’d do that” He chuckled “I love it when you do that” Regulus blushed and as James draped his arm over his shoulder, gave him the cup of cocoa with marshmallows that he loved and kissed his forehead while everyone else was inside celebrating Christmas, he looked up at the starry sky, touched the silver ring on his ring finger, leaned on his husband’s shoulder and smiled. _At this moment, Regulus knew, he finally has the happy ending that he has always secretly wanted._

**_The End_**

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you guys enjoyed this small piece of fic I wrote.  
> Kudos and lovely comments are welcome xoxo


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